Calling out Pokétch Inc. for unhealthy business practices

There’s something seriously wrong with the way Pokétch treats its consumers. I’ve never been this baffled by how a company is managed, and that says a lot. From the way this device was obtained to how it was operated: none of it has been usual. In this post, I’m telling you about my experience with Pokétch in the hope that they will do better.

Disclaimer: The Pokétch in use during this process has been provided by the Pokétch Inc. for free due to a promotion initiated by the CEO.

For I do believe in the Pokétch as a product. This small device is a great tool for any Pokémon Trainer in our wonderful Sinnoh Region. Its ability to give insight in the status of our Pokémon is nothing short of a miracle, and with additional functionalities as telling the time and tracking our steps the Pokétch certainly has its uses. Alongside this, it’s also possible to add more options later down the line, which certainly adds to the longevity of a product like this. Yet the way Pokétch Inc. runs its business is inefficient at best, and downright disrespectful at worst.

Slight rewind

However, let’s start at the beginning. There’s some background as to how I came in the possession of this piece of technology. On a usual day in TwinLeaf Town my best friend Javier requested my presence. He seems to have had one of those crazy little plans in his head again, to spot Pokémon in the nearby lake. There we saw an old man and a younger fellow, who left basically as soon as we arrived.

However they left a briefcase there, which we had to open when wild Pokémon started to attack us. I grabbed a Poké Ball, which contained a Piplup, and Javier grabbed a Chimchar. We were able to fend off the attacking Pokémon, and Professor Rowan – apparently that’s his name – used the guilt we felt for using his Pokémon to recruit us in his mad quest to find and catalogue every single Pokémon in the region.

I don’t think I need to tell you more about my relationship with my mother when I say that she just sent me on a way with a brand new hat and a guidebook.

Obtaining the Pokétch

Very well though! Off I am then, it’s something different to watching tv and playing Zelda on my Switch all day. Along the way I picked up a Starly, Shinx – adorable little bugger that one – and Kricketot to hang out with, though Shinx was practically the only one to be consistently by my side along with Piplup. Getting acquainted with Pokémon battling in both the wild and other trainers was quite doable, so it didn’t take long for me to arrive in the fabled Jubilife City. At first I was amazed by the beauty of this place, it was like nothing I’d ever seen before, but the shroud on this place was soon lifted.

Because what kind of crooks live here? The people behind the Pokétch, of course! I was approached by an adult man on the street, who asked if I wanted to obtain a cutting-edge piece of technology. “Are you nuts sir, YES OF COURSE!” I replied, naturally. That’s where things got a bit sketchy however. He told me to find three clowns around the city, to obtain coupons which would get me the Pokétch. Uhm, sure? I’m starting to fear I’m stuck in some sort of criminal activity, so I went to the local Pokémon Trainers Guild. They just had me fight some children’s magical Pokémon though, and were of little help otherwise.

So whatever, let’s see. Maybe I’ll get a cool gadget out of this. I found the three clowns, and after they asked me some silly little questions that I was easily able to answer, which just made me feel more suspicious about this whole thing. The man on the street – who turned out to be the DARN CEO OF THE COMPANY – just handed these things out! There HAS to be something wrong with them, so the only reason I keep mine on me is to figure out what that thing is.

The Crux

And then this LUNATIC starts going on about how I need to earn a Gym Badge and THEN a new app will be ready for the Pokétch? Who IS this guy and where does he keep A GLASS BALL to look into the future with? To investigate exactly that I went to Pokétch Headquarters, in the hopes of finding out more about this man’s evil schemes.

… I’m saddened to say he hides his tracks well. But still! This company is run with more incompetence than is in my body while baking cookies. Because what do you mean I have to log into your employees laptops to find out how my piece of tech works? First of all it’s poor management of privacy in your part, and it’s messed up that my twelve year-old being had to witness the ASMR YouTube videos Jofferton had open on his secret browser, but it’s also just plain poor design. Is it really that much of a bother to simply print a manual, mister CEO?

Once I figure out how the law in this place works, I’m raining down legal hellfire on you and your entire company. You haven’t seen the last of met yet.

Oh wait, Javier wants to fight. Shinx, shoot a thunderbolt. Love to see it, thanks buddy.